


Wildest Wind

by my_soul_is_fire



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Season/Series 11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 10:39:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6467023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_soul_is_fire/pseuds/my_soul_is_fire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amara needs Dean for obscure reasons, and asks Lucifer, her new ally, to bring him to her.<br/>The Devil suggests to use his little broken angel as a bait, and the Darkness agrees.<br/>Little do they know a certain hunter needs a certain celestial being in a way that goes way beyond the purest affection.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wildest Wind

**Author's Note:**

> A small thing I wrote in a day, just because I miss Cas and Destiel like hell.  
> Hope you'll like it! Tell me what you think about it!
> 
> Title and quotes from "Wildest Wind" by IAMX

  _x_

 

_My wildest wind,  
Come blow into my room..._

 

_x_

 

''He will never accept it !''

The words fly into the cold air. The woman seems angry, and her lips twitch from time to time. Her dark eyes are full of wrath, and her limbs shake.

 

The man turns around and gives her a desperated look. ''I still don't understand why you need him. I mean-''

''It doesn't matter.'' the woman snaps and her voice is colder than the winter raging around them. ''I helped you, now you will help me.''

 

She faces an empty plain covered of immaculate snow. The trees are shaking, dark thin ghosts on the horizon, the sky is covered by a heavy grey shroud. For a second, she raises her head and stares at the threatening clouds above.

 

She sends a prayer.

The skies won't answer.

 

The man sighs deeply, and passes a hand through his short hair. The lady is starting to get on his nerves, but running away would only put him in a danger he doesn't want to face.

 

He makes a few steps to her. ''Maybe we could give him his angel back ?''

She turns her head to look at him and a shiver runs down his spine. Pure and cruel blackness is staring back at him.

 

He swallows hardly. ''I mean... he already knows him and his brother can't do anything. His only hope is that his angel pet find a way to save them. He only searches him for this. But give him back, broken, destroyed, useless.''

 

He stops for a second, takes a short breath. The woman is still looking at him, but she looks deeply interested now. He smirks.

 

''When he'll see even his so-called friend can't save his brother, he'll come to you. He knows it's the only way to keep his family safe.''

 

He turns and squints when the pale snow blinds him. The woman is still silent, and this silence makes him nervous. His grace shakes inside his bones, and he moves, kicking the ground at his feet, ill-at-ease.

''The world doesn't matter to the Winchester. Only each other. Believe me, when Dean will see his angel weak and pathetic, he won't think twice. He'll leave him.''

 

Lucifer moves slightly away from the woman, whose violent aura bites his skin.

She seems to think for a second before she nods. ''Then do it. We will see.''

 

Amara steps back into the woods, and a breath after, she's nothing more than another shadow. Lucifer winces when a branch hits his arm, leaving a fresh red mark. The spell Amara used may have given him a real body, but it also weakened him.

 

His whole body stiffens when he realizes she probably knew the effects it was gonna have.

She was perfectly aware, and that's what she wanted : him, on a leash, like a poor dog.

 

He kicks angrily the snow. He wishes he could just snap his fingers and turn her into thousand of ribbons of flesh, but he knows that would be suicide to even try.

 

He'll think of revenge later. For now, he has work to do.

He lowers his head and smirks. Snow started to cover the body at his feet.

 

''You don't even know what's waiting for you, am I right, _Castiel_ ?'' he whispers, covering the angel's name of disgust and disdain.

 

The Seraph doesn't answer, for the moment, he's nothing more but a shivering, aching soul soaked in sorrow. The last thing he sees is Lucifer's evil face, before a burning pain fills him as his brother hits his head on the cold ground, and the void takes him whole.

 

_x_

_You're the home beneath the ruin..._

 

 _x_  

Dean sighs.

The case has been exhausting. Sam wanted to stay at the bunker to search in books, as if there was any chance they find anything new.

He drove for hours, and the vampire nest he faced only made his old bones complain louder. He's covered of dry blood and cold sweat, and he dreams of a fresh shower and a long, calm night.

 

He's on the way back to home, and yet, there's a heavy, disturbing feeling growing in his chest, as the Impala swallows miles of frozen road.

He felt it for weeks now, but the sound of his pain became unbearable lately.

 

Alone on this road, only accompanied by the roar of the car and the strong wind blowing outside, he tries to focus on anything but the dark thoughts poisining him.

 

At some point, the road divides in two, and he should keep going the same way. But a foreign force pushes him, and before he can think, he turns the wheel and enters a dark and bumpy path.

It's barely 5 a.m but it's already hard to see what's surrounding him, as the woods cast thin shadows above the Impala. His heart seems too big for his chest and he can feel it beating, pushing flesh and bone with incredible strength.

 

After a few minutes of blind driving, he finally arrives on a wide plain, entirely covered by snow.

 

**What is he doing here ?**

 

He doesn't know the answer. And when he stops the car, more questions come flowing into his mind.

 

He opens the door and leaves the warmth of his car. A sudden glacial wind hits him, making him shiver violently. He doesn't know what leads his way, but he can't control his limbs, and he stumbles into the thick snow.

 

That's when he sees it.

 

Someone is laying on the cold ground, back facing Dean.

Someone with dark hair and a coat the hunter would recognize everywhere.

 

A sudden wave of emotion makes his whole body shake and he rushes to the motionless angel. He falls on his knees next to him, putting Castiel on his back.

Taken by a fear beyond control, he shakes Cas gently, muttering his name again and again. The angel is still silent.

 

That's it. Incredible, terrible fear paralyzes Dean. He grips Cas' coat, begging him to say something.

He doesn't get an answer, but instead, he gets a glimpse of clear blue eyes behind fluttering eyelids. Suddenly, he frames Cas' face with hands turning silver.

 

''Hey, hey, Cas you can hear me ?!''

 

Dean makes him sit, and Cas lets him do, his body heavy and cold, strangely cold.

 

''Dean, it's a trap... you-you need to leave.'' he whispers, and Dean can barely hear his words.

 

The hunter frowns. ''What do you mean ? Cas ?''

 

The angel seems to find it hard to stay awake and his eyes close more and more often. When he hears his name, he turns his head, still pressed between Dean's hands, and dives into Dean's eyes.

 

''Dean, you need to go. Please, I-I...''

He stops when his teeth start chattering, making him unable to follow. He shakes and Dean notices he is way too pale, and his lips are turning blue.

 

Dean gives him a confused look, but can't help letting go of Cas' head, to hold him against his chest, putting an arm around the angel's shoulder. Cas' head gets heavier and Dean is starting to feel an acid worry growing inside him. The dark bruise growing on Cas' temple isn't helping. 

 

Dean bites his lips in a nervous move.

''Cas, I don't understand. Where's Lucifer ?'' He stops for a second. All the warmth of the Impala left him and his limbs are now numb and sore. But then he realizes Cas is shivering violently too, and he's not supposed to, isn't he ?

''Are- are you cold ?'' the hunter adds, still puzzled.

 

Cas' small nod against his chest makes the fire of worry burn brighter inside him, and his eyes suddenly show something dangerous.

 

''Where is he ? Where is Lucifer ?! I'm gonna kill this bastard !'' he says, and his low voice fills Cas' ears and head, and he winces of pain. He wants to answer but his mouth is dry and his lips ache.

 

Dean seems to notice and softens the second after, like the sun after the storm.

His anger still shakes his body, and his eyes are a little too bright. He takes a deep breath and wipes a burning tear away. He covers Cas with a desperated look, and his hand flies above him, and he doesn't know what to do.

''Alright... the bunker is too far away but uhm... I could drive to a motel and-'' he starts, his voice shaking.

 

''Dean, leave me here, please. They could come back... ''

 

The hunter frowns. ''What do you mean by _them_  ?''

 

Castiel moves against his chest, and he buries his head in his warmth, and it may be too intimate, but he feels like he's dying, he feels like the whole winter came into his soul.

''Lucifer and Amara. They're together now... She- she'' he coughs and oh, he's in pain. ''She wants you to come with her, and she thinks...''

He has to stop again, coughing violently, and his sudden disease makes Dean wake. He moves back slightly and Cas raises his head, his tired eyes full of worry, full of the fear that Dean is going to leave him.

 

But instead, the hunter passes an arm under his knees and strengthens his hold behind his back, and the second after Cas is raised in the air. He gasps of surprise and his head falls back heavily on Dean's chest, and Dean's bones scream and burn and curse him.

 

''If there's one thing I know,'' Dean starts while turning around ''it's that I'm not gonna leave you here.''

 

He walks with difficulty to the car, the snow like heavy diamond powder under his feet. Castiel tries to forget the pain growing in his blood, and focuses on the warmth coming from Dean, of the way his strength seems to bring his broken pieces back together.

 

_x_

_  
Self-loathing or the darkest drug will never keep me from loving..._

 

 _x_  

 

The drive is silent. Dean's eyes are on the road, and Castiel is drowsing silently, his head on Dean's shoulder.

The inside of the Impala is warm and tender, and Castiel stopped shaking as violently as before, but when Dean dares to land a finger on the angel's hand, they're cold as ice.

 

How is this possible ? Something happened, something bad that weakened him in every ways, but what ? Is there even anything that Dean can do ?

 

He shakes his head, chasing the anguish away. Finally, a few minutes later, he sees a bright neon signboard for a motel. Sighing of relief, he turns the wheel slowly and parks the car in front of the small building.

He calls Cas softly, and this one raises his heavy head, giving the place a confused look. Dean tries to ignore the sudden jump his heart makes when he realizes how close he is, and how pure and soft it feels.

 

''I'm going to get a room, ok ? Stay there, I won't be long.'' he says, and the angel opens his mouth to protest but Dean is already out.

 

A minute later, he comes back, keys in hand. The lights of the motel cast bright colors on the car, and when he helps Cas walking to the room, his face is illuminated, making his eyes brighter, glowing like eery fires.

 

They get in the room and Dean shuts the door. The place is oddly clean and warm, but he's not going to complain. He makes Cas sit on the only bed, and hurries to wrap several blankets around his shoulders.

Castiel raises a poor look to Dean, and the celestial being must feel pretty miserable. When his eyes cross Dean's, something suddenly moves inside him, and the power of the hunter's look on him makes him lowers his head like a child.

 

Dean sighs, and passes a hand in his hair. He walks slowly to the bed and sits in front of Cas, who is like a beautiful stone. Cold and silent.

''Are you ok ?'' He asks, and the angel answers by a small nod.

 

Dean moves on the bed to get closer, and the rules he chose to follow can go to hell now !

''Why was Amara looking for me ? And why did she use you ?''

 

Castiel finally dares to look at Dean, and a deep, strange sorrow flows inside his eyes. Dean is not sure he wants to hear what's coming.

Cas takes one of the blanket and surrounds himself a bit more, still shivering.

 

''Amara helped Lucifer having a real body. In return, he had to help her getting you. I don't know why, but she... needs you. From what I heard, she thought that if you didn't had any more hope of killing her, you'd accept leaving with her, to save Sam.''

 

He takes a deep breath, and swallows, and it's the first time Dean sees the angel so tormented by his emotions.

''She said that you knew that Sam and you cannot beat her. And she said that... you believed I was your only hope and that... if you found me like... **this** , you'd leave me. Because I was useless to you, and that I cannot save your brother from her.''

 

Dean's heart stops. Castiel's words were very clear and he didn't even blink once, his face like a cold mask of resignation and pain.

''But you didn't believe it, right ?'' Dean asks with a nervous laugh, feeling too uncomfortable and broken to be serious.

 

As an answer, Castiel stares at him without a word, just this painful face that would tear any heart apart. He looks like he's about to say something, but his mouth opens without letting any sound out, and he finally lowers his head again, incapable of bearing the incredulous look Dean is giving him.

 

That's it, he's angry. Dean will be tired of him, again. Tired of his weakness, disgusted of his fall, of his too human heart.

He'll leave him.

 

''Cas... you realizes you're not a tool, right ? That you're not here to save Sam, or me ? That you matters to us, that you're a part of this family ?''

 

Cas' grace moves and flows softly around his bones, burning brighter at Dean's words. But Cas doesn't let his emotions control him, and he pushes this delicious warmth away.

''I'm sorry but I can't accept it. My mission was to save you, and then to save your brother. Keeping you safe is my duty, and it was my choice to sacrifice myself.''

 

That little droplet of sorrow creates a whole ocean inside Dean and his soul ignites. His bones are on fire and his heart pushes against his ribs. A wild storm explodes around him.

''How can you believe that ?! How can you believe I'm seeing you like this ?! I need you to stand beside me, I don't need you to save me ! Do you even imagine how your sacrifice felt ? Because I can tell you it was freakin' hell !''

 

He stops, breathless. The angel stares at him, mouth open of astonishment. A small tear runs on his cheek. He raises a shaking hand and puts it on Dean's shoulder.

''I'm sorry Dean, I didn't mean to...''

 

''Godamnit, Cas don't apologize ! I'm the one who let you down and treated you like shit, and I won't even forgive myself for this ! I know you don't have much to trust me and I want-'' He stops, the words getting stuck in his throat. ''It's my word against Amara's. You decide.''

 

Dean gets up suddenly, and turns around, incapable of controlling his feelings. His hands shake and he's cold and the air is too heavy and he's too empty and exhausted.

 

He hears a noise behind him, as Cas gets up to stand behind him.

Dean turns around, facing him, putting a leash on every damn emotion.

 

''I- I should leave, Dean. I'm only making it worse-''

 

Dean has a little laugh and Cas' whole body stiffens. The hunter looks at him and he can't hide his bright eyes anymore.

''You think I'm going to let you leave because of me ?'' he says.

 

Castiel doesn't move, and he looks too lost to even speak.

 

''You don't even understand, do you ?'' Dean adds, and his voice is softer, and sadder.

 

He walks to Cas, and this one raises his eyes to cross his stare.

Dean raises his shaking hands, and puts them softly on Cas' neck, the tips of his fingers sinking into his hair. Castiel stops breathing.

 

 

Dean puts a kiss on his lips, and it's almost timid, almost like he was falling back into his youth, and it's a stolen, exciting kiss. He's almost afraid of breaking his angel of glass, and yet he knows he's a thousand of bursting suns.

Cas breathes against his mouth and a small cold cloud travel from his lips to Dean's lungs and he shivers of pleasure. Everything tastes like words left unsaid and unchained feelings, and it's an explosion of sounds and sensations and Dean holds him closer against him.

 

Cas may even shed a tear, because this is what happens when your world crumbles at your feet, and you watch its ruins.

But in this moment, he watches the sun rises on this battlefield and his heart sings, and oh, he melts in that kiss, and he waited for so long...

 

Dean thinks he may have found a way to forgive himself, and the winter turned into spring inside his soul. He falls into that kiss, desperated, and it's real. That warmth, these bones, this flesh, they're here and he can hold them, and put them back together, while his own being shines again.

They both fall into tender, warm blackness and there's no turning back, for sure.

 

_x_

 

_You make my heart sing,  
Every time you brush against me... _

 

 

 _x_  

  

Miles away, a terrifying voice fills the empty woods, and a dress made of shadows brushes against the snow. There's an evil wrath burning the plain and the skies even shiver a little under the threat.

 

Far away, the Devil runs and runs and hides, and his last breath is coming, and he better hides well, for the Darkness is coming to swallow him whole...

 


End file.
